What to Call Lady Bits

What to Call Lady Bits

Ever since hearing the term Va-jay-jay on Grey’s Anatomy, quickly followed by Oprah repeating it, I’ve been paying attention to how lady bits are described in books, magazines and on tv.  And let me tell you, they are all cringe worthy and ridiculous.  Having said that, I have yet to come up with a better solution.  As someone who wants to one day write a book, has a knack for words and loves her thesaurus, I’m on a mission.  This is more difficult than coming up with a name for a new baby!

Vagina is very technical sounding and doesn’t fit well into most sex scenes whether in a book or in a film so I understand why some don’t want to use it.  A frequent one that I despise and find frequently in books is “mound”.  They’ll say “her mound ached for him”.  Bleh.  That was me throwing up in my mouth.  Here’s a ton of others I have seen and heard and why I dislike them:

  • womanhood – duh, it’s what makes a woman a woman
  • hump – hump is an action you do, or a boob
  • pussy – we’ve all heard the kitty references
  • cooch – low class
  • muff – hello SNL
  • nether regions – multi-definitions
  • privates – for kids only to use
  • cunt – fun but prefer to use as a derogatory term
  • beaver – why????
  • love tunnel – I couldn’t make this up if I tried
  • twat – only hear this used as another term for ‘bitch’
  • hoo ha – used this for a while, not too bad
  • clit – let’s be clear, not the same area
  • vasheen – Kardashian speak
  • gash – this is a type of cut
  • snatch – what?
  • crotch – more for males, as in ‘i nailed him in the crotch’
  • a slew of others involving meat that are entirely too disgusting to even repeat

Until I come up with something better I just look down and do two whistles that sound like ‘hoo ha’.  It makes people chuckle and requires no words at all.



I was thinking recently about all the appointments I have to go to in the next month. I considered taking a day off from work to knock out 2 or 3. But realizing that meant a day’s lineup of the dentist followed by a new OBGYN sounded about as good as getting shot in the face. I think I’ll pass.