The Trying

The Trying

Feeling nervous, scared, anxious, excited, terrified (I know I said scared already). These are all normal feelings when deciding to bring a baby into this world, right?  Here’s some of what’s been passing through my head since making this decision.

It’s ranged from – good God, how AM I going to survive pregnancy (nausea and vomitting, worsening restless legs, no medications, no beer and/or vodka after a tough day at work, cutting out my fav cheeses and fish, aches and pains, stretch marks, swollen feet) immediately followed by – women have been doing it for centuries with a lot less technological advances and teenagers can do it.  Along these lines, giving birth.  The pain, will I be able to handle the pain?  The potential “cutting” (shudders), stitches, blood, gore.  What if I need surgery?  I’ve never had surgery in my life and that’s scary.

Then I naturally think about my body.  Having to waddle around, not able to paint my toes or tie my shoes.  How does one shave below the waist after like 7 months?  How will I heal after birth?  Will breastfeeding be as painful as I think?

The bigger and constant concerns of mine, having always struggled with money – what if the baby has health issues?  What if it’s twins?  Will we be able to pay for anything that comes up in pregnancy, birth, babydom beyond the norm?  Are we fully prepared to give up ourselves to a child for the next 20ish years?  WHERE will we find the energy?  What if we turn into those parents we hate?

happy pregnancy
Will this be us?

On the flip side of all this, I of course know the overwhelming wonders that come from bringing a baby into the world which is why we are ultimately full steam ahead on trying.  I will do my very best to look at this as an adventure and a challenge, remind myself of all positives that come out of this experience, and keep the focus on this incredible miracle that will be an extension of me and my husband.

And there’s so many little things that I am so looking forward to.  Hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.  Telling everyone the news.  Decorating the nursery.  Choosing a name.  Feeling the baby kicking.  Holding the baby for the first time.  Watching him or her grow and change every day.  The milestones: first smile, crawling, first tooth, walking, first words, first food, first day of preschool.  And the list goes on and on.

So cheers to trying and here’s hoping for the best!


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